A message in a bottle

Greetings,

Haven't you ever wondered what happened with somebody you knew from the past? It's so easy these days to look things up about just about anybody, but I can't help and contemplate IF you should contact somebody just because you can.

Or maybe I should say that maybe I shouldn't reach out to somebody just because I can.

Let's face it. I was a real jerko to this person. Why, you ask dear reader? I dunno. I was young. It was probably over six years ago. I was still in a really bad relationship and playing the field a bit -- as the GF was still back in Colorado. I feel like a jerk for how I ended up treating "C" in the end. I should have been more forthright. I should have had more grace, alas breaking up with people has never been my strong suit. I tend to run and hope never to be seen again, while I try to mend my wounds in private.

Make no mistake, coming off the Colorado relationship ripped me to shreds. I have to imagine it was complicated by the fact that I was off playing around with "C." Maybe it was some of my karmic debt being paid off?

Anyway, I did myself a little Google search and found C. But I don't think I'm going to try to contact her. I mean, what's the point? Maybe it will just make her feel worse. Isn't the point of me trying to reach out to make amends and make HER feel better? If I reach out to get the guilt off my chest and it hurts her, does that make the situation worse? Perhaps. And frankly *THAT* doesn't seem very yogic, so I'm going to not do it.

So, maybe this effort toward non-violence is to let sleeping dogs lie. I know my partner says she doesn't care if I am or am not friends with EXes. I think she means it, but maybe it's best not to stir the pot, eh?

Heck, maybe C will read this! The power of the 'Net and all that jazz, right? I'm calling this my message in a bottle. I'll float it out there on the 'Net and maybe it will wash ashore someday.

Hey Charlotte, I was a big jerk. I'm sorry for how I treated you. I really, really do hope you have found happiness and love. I really wish nothing but good for you, and it's too bad that we aren't friends now. You know, I liked hanging out with you, and you really were a sweet girl. I learned about wine from you! You were nice to me. Maybe that was the problem. I was pretty much used to be shat upon -- true story, but that's a different one for different day. Anyway, sorry I was such a turd. I know we weren't meant to "be," but it is too bad we aren't friends now. So, there you have it. And it it makes you feel any better to know that I feel guilt for how I treated you all these years later...eat it up, darling. The guilt is mine. So, there ya go.

Hey, while I'm at it... I was also a big jerk to Susan. My feelings toward how I treated her are the same as C. I think I probably did the same thing in that situation. *sigh* Sorry to you too.

It's interesting how relationships and people change you. I feel like being with Jackie has taught me how to let go of a lot of bitterness and jealousy. I just hope I'm a better person now.

On that note, I'm off. I've got The Beatles going in honor of my dear friend Holly's father who passed. Rest in peace. You have a wonderful daughter. I thank you for the gift of her friendship in my life.

Peace, C