The Powerball of Life

Happy Sunday to all, and a very happy birthday to my mother!

This
weekend has been really nice. Lots of relaxation and enjoyment. We went
on a very nice date night last night and saw Harry Potter. It was very
enjoyable.

I'm a bit sore from yoga yesterday. I decided to make
the hike down to Chandler to visit one of my very favorite yoga
teachers, Jeff Martens (www.innervisionyoga.com). Going to one of his
classes is always like part asana and part therapy. Amazing and utterly wonderful.

Jeff talked about a story of Buddha.
I'll try to give the gist of the story, with apologies for any parts
missing. Basically the story was of a beggar woman. She walked through
life with her hat held out begging -- always begging. She had never
turned anything down because she felt she was always in need. She was
never fulfilled and nothing was ever enough to fill the hole that she
felt. The life-long beggar woman heard that Buddha was coming to town
with thousands of his followers. She knew there would be a glorious
feast with many wonderful things to eat for Buddha and his followers. Being that she was a beggar and always feeling so needy, she was the very first in line to receive the handout of food.

Buddha told her, "You can have as much as you want, but first you must say no."
He offered to her some of the most choice morsels and finest food from the tables.
The woman began to become very nervous. She shook and began to sweat. She had never turned down anything ever. And now the Buddha was telling her she must say no to the food!
As the woman was able to say no to the offering she was able to become one of the Buddha's followers. She realized the lesson of the Buddha was that she already was completely fulfilled and satisfied beyond her most wild dreams.
With that the woman was no longer a beggar and was able to eat -- finally free.

I am pretty sure I missed some parts of the story, but you get the idea.
It's one of those basic yoga lessons that I know, but we must always be
reminded time and time again. Funny how something so basic is incredibly complex. The veil of Maya is so strong and so
powerful. We forget that the Universal divine lives within each of us.
It's always there and always perfect. But we forget.

That which we all seek already lives within us. It's within every one of us. Yet
the power of forgetfulness and the ego are so strong that most times
the divinity is overcome with begging, the feeling of void, sadness and a hunger. We also forget who we really are and think we are this body.

But
if we could just wake up and realize that everything we have ever
wanted is here right NOW in this very second -- with this very breath
-- we shall never want. We shall never need. Because the Universe has
already provided us with everything. And if the Universal truth -- God
-- dwells within each of us, how can God want or long for anything? God
is already perfect -- just as that piece of God and divinity is within
each of us.

Perfect -- just as it is. Just as we are.

What a shame to walk though life always wanting and needing. Yet that is what we do.

So, with one breath today, I'm just going to try to focus on the perfection of this moment.
This perfection of being. We are blessed, and we have already been
given everything we need. You are not a beggar. I am not a beggar.

Maybe it's time to stop living life with our hat out waiting for something else. Everything we need is here in this moment.

Jai Bhagwan,
C

Hey baby, baby

Hello.

I've been busy with work and haven't written much lately. Bad blogger. Good worker. :)

Seriously,
I've been incredibly busy with two big projects my company is opening
this year. I'm the PR goddess of them both. Ha. Today we were down inCasa Grande. Good times. Seriously.

Anyway,
tonight J and I had a long, serious talk about having a baby. I think
we are both scared out of our minds (probably a good fear). Anyway, I'd
give it another year, but I know I want it. She does too, but we both
realize our lives will never be the same. Duh. Anyway, that's
interesting, I suppose. I cannot think of anybody I'd rather parent a
child with. In fact, when I met J I knew she would be the mother of my
child. Weird, huh? True story.

I've been trying to keep up with
my yoga practice as usual lately. I'm feeling like I *know* I should
meditate more, but, damn, it feels like there aren't enough hours in
the day. It can only get worse. See above. Anyway, that's not terribly
interesting either.

I guess I'm not full of much insight tonight. I'm a bit sleepy and headachy. I know I should get up early and go to WW tomorrow, but I realllyyy
don't want to go. I know it's good for me, but I already know
everything they are going to say. It's the same old thing every week.Bleh
. What I really need to do is journal my food for a solid week -- good,
bad or ugly. I ate several fried shrimp for dinner. Whops. :P

TTFN.
C

Patanjali's Eight Limbs of Yoga

1. Yamas (social restraints)

*Ahimsa (non-violence)

*Satya (truthfulness)

*Asteya (non-stealing)

*Brahmacharya (moderation)

*Aparigraha (non-attachment)

2. Niyamas (internal restraints)

*Saucha (purity)

*Santosha (contentment)

*Tapas (endurance; discipline)

*Svadhyaya (self-study)

*Ishvara-Pranidhana (surrender to the Divine)

3. Asanas (postures)

4. Pranayama (breath control)

5. Pratyahara (sense withdrawal)

6. Dharana (concentration)

7. Dhyana (meditation)

8. Samadhi (Divine Oneness)

A message in a bottle

Greetings,

Haven't you ever wondered what happened with somebody you knew from the past? It's so easy these days to look things up about just about anybody, but I can't help and contemplate IF you should contact somebody just because you can.

Or maybe I should say that maybe I shouldn't reach out to somebody just because I can.

Let's face it. I was a real jerko to this person. Why, you ask dear reader? I dunno. I was young. It was probably over six years ago. I was still in a really bad relationship and playing the field a bit -- as the GF was still back in Colorado. I feel like a jerk for how I ended up treating "C" in the end. I should have been more forthright. I should have had more grace, alas breaking up with people has never been my strong suit. I tend to run and hope never to be seen again, while I try to mend my wounds in private.

Make no mistake, coming off the Colorado relationship ripped me to shreds. I have to imagine it was complicated by the fact that I was off playing around with "C." Maybe it was some of my karmic debt being paid off?

Anyway, I did myself a little Google search and found C. But I don't think I'm going to try to contact her. I mean, what's the point? Maybe it will just make her feel worse. Isn't the point of me trying to reach out to make amends and make HER feel better? If I reach out to get the guilt off my chest and it hurts her, does that make the situation worse? Perhaps. And frankly *THAT* doesn't seem very yogic, so I'm going to not do it.

So, maybe this effort toward non-violence is to let sleeping dogs lie. I know my partner says she doesn't care if I am or am not friends with EXes. I think she means it, but maybe it's best not to stir the pot, eh?

Heck, maybe C will read this! The power of the 'Net and all that jazz, right? I'm calling this my message in a bottle. I'll float it out there on the 'Net and maybe it will wash ashore someday.

Hey Charlotte, I was a big jerk. I'm sorry for how I treated you. I really, really do hope you have found happiness and love. I really wish nothing but good for you, and it's too bad that we aren't friends now. You know, I liked hanging out with you, and you really were a sweet girl. I learned about wine from you! You were nice to me. Maybe that was the problem. I was pretty much used to be shat upon -- true story, but that's a different one for different day. Anyway, sorry I was such a turd. I know we weren't meant to "be," but it is too bad we aren't friends now. So, there you have it. And it it makes you feel any better to know that I feel guilt for how I treated you all these years later...eat it up, darling. The guilt is mine. So, there ya go.

Hey, while I'm at it... I was also a big jerk to Susan. My feelings toward how I treated her are the same as C. I think I probably did the same thing in that situation. *sigh* Sorry to you too.

It's interesting how relationships and people change you. I feel like being with Jackie has taught me how to let go of a lot of bitterness and jealousy. I just hope I'm a better person now.

On that note, I'm off. I've got The Beatles going in honor of my dear friend Holly's father who passed. Rest in peace. You have a wonderful daughter. I thank you for the gift of her friendship in my life.

Peace, C

You are here

Well, here we are. I'm not sure how I'll start this out, so I guess I'll just start.

Perhaps putting too much thought into what goes here is the problem? I've thought about doing this for awhile but have resisted -- and giving it too much thought.

I expect this blog will encompass some of my inner thinkings on this journey of yoga, weight, love, life, careers, moving, breathing, being and so on.

Today the heat hangs heavy in the air in Phoenix. I'd really like to go take a dip in the pool, but I'm nursing a case of heat rash on my arm. I'm no so sure if sunscreen (a must for being outdoors here) is the best idea.

Asana practice was OK this morning. My thoughts were scattered, and my mind kept going back to food and coffee. I suppose this is the downfall of not eating a bite before my practice. However, I ended up sleeping a bit late -- which I think my body needed.

We are thinking about hanging out with some friends today. I'm not sure if I'm in the mood to go to a bar to play pool. I've been trying to lay off the drinking since I got back from Chicago. I swear I could hear my body screaming out from too much of it there. I rarely drink, so this is probably why. However, I'm rather enjoying learning to play pool these days. There's quite a bit of skill involved, so this is a nice game for the mind. So it would probably be good to go play.

I'm struggling with Weight Watchers these days. I slept in late yesterday and missed my meeting. However, I think I knew I would miss it -- as I didn't set my alarm for it. I just feel so blah about all of it. Granted, my weight is remaining the same, but it does need to inch downward in order to bring me into compliance with WW's lifetime rules. I've got to take off about five pounds to get there. I suppose that's better than 60, alas.

I struggle with the concept of moderation. I know that the yogis say walking the line of moderation is the most challenging. Food, journaling and the rest are all part of my yoga practice. I see that. I understand that, but I struggle oh so much to walk that center line.

I know I must just keep walking and trying again and again. As we fall, sometimes we laugh, sometimes we get pissed off and sometimes we just breathe and get back up. I'm trying to laugh or breathe. I'm not going to get angry with myself. There's simply no point.

Namaste, C